© Melina Magdalena (2001)
my eyes don’t want to open today
they hang half-lidded cloudy
it’s not like me to seek more sleep
indeed
my fish feet seek the floor
even as my leaden limbs
plunge horizontal
must be those old doldrums
catching up with me
milk slops over the edge of my mug
as I greedily suckle
thirst-quenching
not sweet
hot tea scalds me slightly
as I breathe deliciously
wanting to keep dreaming
seems there’s something
I won’t turn and look at
Lightning tongue nonetheless
bids the kids good morning
I stretch
to kiss each tousled head hello
my son and I stand eye to eye – I kiss his forehead
they bicker and fight, hoping to spark
some awakening awareness in me
enveloped in gloom I turn
tempted back to my warm, dark burrow
Even driving my eyes quest closed
in full knowledge of what lies behind them
struggling
for alertness my body
appears to know what it is doing
as it narrowly avoids colliding with
that car that swerved so suddenly in front of me
my earthen heart beats so slowly today
those doldrums caught me unawares
Lying well everything is normal at work
performing like a chimpanzee
silent
keeping up the mechanical banter
coping miraculously with every spanner
thrown my way taking orders
too preoccupied to take anything personally
tomorrow is another day
fingers drumming impatiently
I catch the warning glance as storm clouds gather
Horizontal home again curl up hug my pillow
snarl at the dog lash out even at the cat
it comes
overwhelmed sobs overtake me breaking
too safe to fall too calm to scream
why must this eternal grief
remain a central pillar of my wellness?
