Knife's Edge
(c) Melina Magdalena 2009
I sit poised and frozen
Astride that cruel steel blade
Awaiting the split
Second when everything
Changes and nothing
Can be reversed – ever!
Dividing then from then
Transient as a chalk circle
Eternal as an inscription
On the book of life
Acceptable as is anything
When one lacks the choice
Even to imagine another outcome.
My hands already rubbed raw
From futile clutching
At saltwater currents
Which bear away
Irretrievably those golden
Grains of sand
That represent time – my time
Spilled wastefully
Like milk across a dirty floor.
Inside my chest
Behind my breast
My heart beats strong and slow
No nervous flutter
Betrays my inner disquiet
Mistrust, fear, despair, hopes concealed
Within the golden egg
Of my heart’s desires.
What will be
Gory mess, scattered scales,
Broken bones, sliced muscles
Severed vessel
Will be that’s all there is.
That’s all there ever was.
Longing for quick resolution
Transformation without pain
Is a cheat’s way out.
To gain legs
I must go through this
Have legs, will walk
Means accepting the price,
Heavy though that price may be.
What I wanted
What I want
What I worked towards
For so long
On the wisp of pure conjecture
For a promise now
Emptied of fulfilment
Like the rainbow filament strand
That connects my DNA
With past present future
Figures only slightly
In the equation
Of what I might attain.
Who do I think I am
– God – ?
