Not our culture

Not our culture
©Melina Magdalena (2006)

a plea for compassion, empathy, understanding, hope and action

In the mid-1990s I began to study linguistics at university. The format of the course involved one lecture and one tutorial each week. One of the things our tutor worked hard to impress upon us was the concept that language reflects the world which created it, in which that language continues to evolve. The tutor chose to instruct us in this concept by using “rape” as an idea that only exists in a certain cultural framework.

His thesis was that we who look at what happens to the women and children in other cultures get outraged by “rape” because we mistakenly attribute the same connotations and understandings and attitudes to what we observe taking place there, when in fact for the people in those cultures, there is no wrongdoing and no need for outrage, because there is no such thing as “rape”.

I was reminded this week of the deep rage and sadness this triggered in me, with the media frenzy over child sexual abuse and domestic violence in Aboriginal communities of the Northern Territory. The woman who impressed me most was Betty Pearce, who is quoted saying “Anger is so great because this is not an Aboriginal culture. Even 20 years ago, 22 years ago, had an Aboriginal person done that he’d have been killed, had he raped a child.”

Child sexual abuse and domestic violence are present in all sectors of Australian society, and it is significant that media excitement about these issues on Aboriginal communities is hyped to such an extent, when the people involved say that action is needed now (and twenty years ago), not just more talking. Otherwise, domestic violence and child sexual abuse hardly rate a mention in Australian media except when they involve gruesome murder suicides.

We know that rape is not about claiming one’s traditional rights to a child bride. Nor is rape about sex. Rape is about power.

We know that domestic violence, which is when one’s spouse, child, or lover enforces a reign of terror in one’s daily life, is about control. We know that the perpetrator of domestic violence does everything he can to maintain control over those under his power. When verbal abuse is not sufficient, he resorts to physical, sexual, social, financial and spiritual abuse.

As a mother, the impulse to appeal to a child’s father’s better judgment can lead to the child getting in the way of its father’s rage, and bearing its brunt. (I know I’m not the only woman who put my child between myself and the one who wanted to strangle me, in the vain hope that he would cease his tyranny, for the love of his child.) And my hopes were dashed in the instant it took for me to recognise my mistake. A child will be used to fuel the rage, in an attempt to control its mother.

We know that people who have no power and no control over their lives, people who have been deprived of choice, opportunity, self expression, growth, education, purpose and health will enact and act out their life situations anyway they can. This is not an excuse, but it is a matter of survival.

Those who have suffered react to that suffering in a range of ways, depending on the avenues of expression that are open to them. To move out of the status quo and into an unknown way of being requires luck, perseverance, assistance and courage. It doesn’t work to say that women should take their children, leave, and set up homes elsewhere. In any case, they have tried that, and the men simply follow. Where else are they supposed to go? Will it heal communities to further fragment families?

I wrote two poems to express my fury at what I thought my tutor was suggesting, in claiming that it is only our world view and the culture we grew up in, that determines whether “rape” is an act of evil.

I’d also like to point out the prevalence of rape and child abuse as it appears in the western Bible, often with no commentary or condemnation. I question my tutor’s stand even more, in light of these examples. Who decided that “rape” for those who live in the western world, is a reprehensible act? And when did this occur? Is it only to do with dowries, transactions and ownership of the female by the male? Why do we continue to victimise the victims, as though they are to blame for their own victimisation? That was the message I took away from these linguistics tutorials.

To my Tutor #1
©Melina Magdalena (1996)

I’m studying linguistics, you see.
Here’s a demonstration of the power of language.
Two men sitting, one a tutor, one a student
feebly batting back and forth
words like rape and good and bad and evil and loaded
ideas about language taboos and cultural realities
I heard the tutor ask him
“so is rape always evil; what about rape in war?”
“I don’t believe in evil” says the student
“yes, but surely you accept that one’s society puts
constraints on what is construed
as all right and what is unacceptable?”
(Ah, I say to myself,
the despair is descending upon me.)
So rape is sometimes good?
So rape in war is justified?
And the perpetual war against women is all that makes
this discussion acceptable.
(And when was either of you two raped?)
(Melodrama. Trigger back into the nightmare.)
“I have overcome great obstacles to be here today.”
(Loopy tragic thoughts frantic spiral doodles)
resolutely break those chains that train of thought ...
NOW!
“I don’t want to waste this hour on remembering.
I am not here to indulge in self pity.
I came here today to further my learning.
It took me years to accept the existence of evil.

To my Tutor #2
©Melina Magdalena (1997)

The fact that you revealed
your prejudice to all assembled
the fact that you revealed
your stupidity and lack of compassion
the fact that you revealed
without discretion or reflection
Is proof unto itself of where you-man speak from

The fact that you spoke
of the rape of woman
the fact that you spoke
where all of us could hear
the fact that you spoke
as though we did not exist
Is proof unto itself that you-man think you rule

The fact that you made claims
with complete disregard
The fact you made claims
on your own beliefs only
The fact you made claims
as though only your claims counted
Is proof unto itself that you think rape is man’s right

The fact that you did not
inquire as to woman’s view
The fact that you did not
invite us into discussion
The fact that you did not
view our experience as relevant
Is proof until itself that you think women deserve to be raped

Now I could go further and claim
that you are a rapist in thought
Now I could go further and claim
that thought is incriminating enough
Now I could go further and claim
that you hate and fear women like me
Your dry intellectualism gave you permission
To state your beliefs far beyond the boundaries
of what is acceptable, tolerable and professional

The fact that I said nothing at the time speaks clearly for itself.


“Indigenous groups warn violence worsening”, (ABC ONLINE) URL: http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200605/s1640083.htm (viewed online, 18/5/2006)