Extrapolation

Extrapolation 

© Melina Magdalena (2012)

Dear C,

I am writing to you about the effects of your behaviour on my Beloved. I hope to appeal to your intelligence – even if in doing so, I shake your faith. Forgive me for saying so, but it would seem to me that your faith could use some shaking up – why else have you come to be part of the congregation that has welcomed you?

I have never heard her utter such a howl of anguish and defeat. “It’s not safe anymore. I’m not safe there. I can’t be who I am!” This was as she hung up on your timid homophobic tirade.

“I’m a sinner too,” you told her, implying that your sin is equal to hers, but meaning that you are unable to shift a fraction closer to accepting that she has as much a right as you do,  to be part of the church you both attend; that as a member of the same congregation, she deserves your respect and consideration; and that as a volunteer who has been working with the young people of the congregation for more than three years, you can be sure she’s got their best interests at heart.

She tells me that the congregation accepts everyone, pretty well unconditionally. As well as refugees and Australians of every colour and class, it’s a congregation that embraces murderers, paedophiles, rapists, wife-beaters, people who have never been paid for a day of work in their lives, druggies and parents whose children have been removed for their own safety.

Do you count yourself as one of those sinners? Are you hiding something of such grand, evil and criminal proportions? Doesn't it make your skin crawl, to think that you share a proverbial pew with such persons? Did you think that being a Christian is the same as being a nice person? Believe me, it doesn’t work that way. Here’s another eye-opener – believe it or not, some nice people are not Christians at all. I’m one of them.

Faced with your hatred of her, and her fear that the congregation is unwilling to face up to and deal with the issue, My Beloved feels that so-called acceptance equates to an uneasy tolerance, bordering on censorship. Your hatred is due to the fact that her partner (me) is another woman. And what of so-called Christian Love?

Fancy telling her that it was inappropriate to ask a young person from the Sunday School to read out that particular prayer at the Intergenerational Service? It was a prayer that said worshippers were welcome, whether gay or straight. It was a prayer that appeared in the materials provided for Sunday Schools. She didn't make it up! Never mind that in the places those young people came from, people are routinely killed for being homosexual. Is that what you want for My Beloved? Do you think she deserves to die, because she chooses to love another woman? That's not very nice. What’s wrong with you?    

My Beloved grew up in a conservatively Christian family that was probably theologically not too different from yours. She knows where you are coming from. She has been dealing with this crap for almost two decades. Can you even imagine what it feels like, to be betrayed by your own body, to be so frightened of something you discover about yourself, that you bury your feelings deep, and spend every waking moment preoccupied by the urgency of concealing a hateful, dirty, frightening secret?

Letting anyone into that space leaves you open to a rejection so profound, that there is almost nothing you can build around yourself for protection, or to bargain your way back into acceptance by the fold. It took 10 years before My Beloved’s mother was able to accept that her daughter is a lesbian, that it’s OK, and that she is still a child of God.

Your attitude makes my skin crawl. I realize that you believe me capable of forcing you to have sex with me. You think I’m a rapist. You think My Beloved is a rapist who wants all the young people in the Sunday School to be homosexual. How ridiculous!

Your belief that lesbians are sexually attracted to all women is mistaken. It’s not true! Do you also believe that as a heterosexual woman you could fall in love with any and every man? Would you consent to marry any man that was chosen for you by some authority figure; be it pastor, grandfather, guru? Is that fair?

The Bible promotes arranged marriage. Many non-Christians around the world today still believe that arranged marriages are the way to go. No more than killing homosexuals, is arranged marriage the way we do things in Australia, whatever our belief system.

When My Beloved and I got married, we didn’t have the approval of the Australian Government. We didn’t do so with the approval of any church or synagogue (I’m Jewish, by the way). Our marriage ceremony was profoundly meaningful and moving. We performed the ceremony publically, in front of a large gathering of friends and family. Since that time, we have made our home together; we have striven to uphold the promises we made to one another, and we have had a child together. We live quite ordinary lives, with a mortgage, a cat, a garden and we work for a living. We hope to get some chooks during the next school holidays. We keep bees.

We didn’t have to get married – we chose to marry each other. So what do you make of that? Are we perverts? Are we dangerous? Are we a threat to the structure of society?

Just what do you think of our child? Should he be ashamed of his family? Should he hide the fact that he has two loving parents? Should he come to church each Sunday and expect that his Amma is denigrated and made miserable because she loves me? Should he in turn, learn to hate his mothers? Should he be made to listen to homophobic comments, so-called jokes, and other forms of cruelty that attack his identity and make him feel invalidated? Or maybe he just shouldn’t expect to find a welcome at the church you go to? Maybe he can’t be a Christian, like you?

I am putting words to your hypocrisy. You are probably so flabbergasted by the thought of lesbians having children together that the effect of your attitude on our son has never crossed your mind. You are far from kind and so close to cruel; definitely not nice.

And don’t you think we thought long and hard about all of this before we embarked on the journey of conceiving and bearing this child? What kind of world do you think we want for him?   

You may style yourself a sinner, but My Beloved gains nothing from such confession. She is not in the same league with you. The internal and external battles she has fought and overcome in order to stand where she stands today, as a married, Christian lesbian mother, are victories that you do not understand. You don’t even want to go there. Isn’t that just a bit pathetic? Do you have a backbone? Do you have a brain?

If God wants anything for you, it is that you be free; that you treat all of God’s creation with respect and lovingkindness.

There are people for whom the idea of lovingly touching a human being of the same sex is horrible. These people are full of fear and hatred. Their feelings are perverted – we call these people homophobic. It is possible to move beyond homophobia to a place where you don’t need to be a lesbian in order to accept that some other people are lesbians; that some other people are gay; that some other people are bisexual; that some other people are transgender; that some people are asexual; that some people are intersex.

There is a place that you could move to, where you no longer feel so threatened by people who in one single aspect of their being; their sexuality, are not the same as you. But no one expects you to change your views without a lot of effort and willpower. And we all know how very frightened you must be feeling. It’s not nice to feel that way.

The Bible condones a whole lot of things and it condemns a whole lot of things. To accept The Bible in its entirety as the Literal Word of The One True God is to accept a document that encompasses humanity, with all of its foibles, mistakes and crimes, as well as its breath-taking capabilities and beauty. God does not require you to make sense of every little word – only an insane person could possibly make sense of every word of The Bible, because inherent in The Bible, are as many contradictions, changes of mind and mood, and expression of character, as are possible amidst human variety. 

You really need to get past the arrogant idea that you comprehend The Bible as the Literal Word Of The One True God, because you can’t. You just accept what other people have told you to accept. You are stubbornly blind to so many of its other aspects and perspectives.

Not so long ago, in Australia, homosexuality was a crime punishable by law. That is no longer the case. You can say to me that Australian Law has nothing to do with God. Let me ask you this though – what other behaviours that are condoned in The Bible, are now considered to be unacceptable or even criminal acts? It’s an easy question – trawl facebook for a few moments and you will find memes that supply you with multiple examples, such as polygamy, slavery, incest and rape. You tell me that because homosexuality is condemned in The Bible, it can never become acceptable for a Christian to be homosexual. Is it acceptable for a Christian to be a rapist? A slave-owner? What hurts more? And who made YOU the judge?  

As a Jew, I can confidently tell you that Jews don’t follow the Old Testament commandments anymore. We do not sacrifice animals and birds and fruits of our fields. There are many things about Jewish lives that fail to follow the Literal Word of The One True God. This is fact not only for such radical Jewish Lesbian Feminists as MYSELF, but also for Jews who consider their practices to be orthodox. In saying this, I am deliberately interfering with the possibility that you will think I have no credibility in picking holes in your faith and belief system. Your values and your lived theology suck. You need to do some work on them.

The fact that My Beloved defends your right to express your views and not be shut down for your homophobic views proves her commitment to justice, which is one of the pillars of her faith.

Oh – do I sound angry? Yes, it’s actually not Unchristian to get angry any more than it is typically ethnically Jewish of me to express myself in this histrionic, blunt way. It’s just me. And yes I am angry, Connie.  You are not being very nice, and whether you realise it or not, you are also threatening other people in the congregation that has welcomed you. I do not know you, but you have hurt My Beloved deeply, made her feel vulnerable and displaced in a way that she really doesn’t deserve. Did I mention that I love the woman?

Kind regards,
Melina Magdalena  

Multifaith, Shmultifaith

Multifaith, Shmultifaith
(c) Melina Magdalena (2012)

I write as an outsider, unaffiliated in any official, paid-up sense, though my informal affiliations and associations doubtlessly play their part in building my perspective and will add weight to what I have to say. However, I speak as an individual, not having sought representation or agreement from anyone else. I hope you will read my words with respect, and due consideration. My aim is neither to stir up trouble, nor add to troubles already ensuing. I support multifaith activity, and I support a venture that seeks to honour and assist asylum seekers.

I am writing about the “Multifaith service to Honour perished asylum seekers”, this Sunday July 1^st, 2012, at Pilgrim Church. I first learned of this event from an email on Wednesday afternoon thanks to an email sent to me by a fellow JAFL (Jewish Adelaide Feminist Lesbians), who had received it from Sharon and Bob Setton, who disseminate information through “the” Adelaide Jewish community (notwithstanding many of us who are not on their list).

Excited by the opportunity to join with others on such a grave and important occasion, and by the chance to do something that could make me feel I have some voice and power to help change the situation for survivors, by working and praying together with others, I immediately forwarded the information to the school where I have been teaching for several years, to be distributed via an “AllStaff” email. I knew that many of my colleagues would be interested in this event, as we run an Intensive English Language Centre (IELC; formerly known as New Arrivals Program). I also forwarded the email to my partner, who works in another IELC. I then copied the information and loaded it onto my Facebook page as my status update.

I noted that Rabbi Shoshana Kaminsky was listed as the media contact, so I included that information for anyone who has links to the media, or who needed more information. I noted that the event was not endorsed or organized by Multifaith SA, and although I wondered about that, I also noted that “the service has been developed by an informal multifaith group which has included representation from the Christian, Jewish, Baha’i and Muslim faiths”. That sounded kosher.

Only two of my Facebook friends ‘liked’ and ‘shared’ the information. My partner also responded by sending the information out via an “AllStaff” email at her school.

This morning I discovered with some chagrin, that a new streamlined flyer had been developed to promote the event, which limits the information to just the venue (Pilgrim Church) and bears the logo of the Uniting Church. By neglecting to mention of the Rabbi or the Beit Shalom Synagogue, this version significantly waters down the credibility of the event as a multifaith venture.  

Late last year I was approached by a Christian lesbian, who was interested in organising a multifaith lesbian group. I was happy to discuss it, because in principle I support such an idea. However, I also cringed, reacting from past experience where a majority, in trying to include a (or some) minorities, automatically privileges itself, thus causing the inevitable sidelining and eventual exclusion of those minorities. When that happens, those who represent the minorities often experience it as tokenism. It is a matter of concern, because the process, that seems to occur without anyone sanctioning or planning it, is so destructive to the cause.

The value of multifaith events is in breaking down prejudices and building commonalities and connections between people of different faith traditions. Usually, those who embrace these opportunities are already not the mainstream practitioners of their faiths. Usually, these people are engaged, do practice their faith and regard it as important in their lives. These are the courageous people whose minds are open to the idea that different does not mean evil, and that different can also mean the same. These people have the chance through their lives, to build more links, to break down more prejudices and to engage with others, in order to create a more peaceful world.

However, it is only through deliberate and fair representation of diversity that a multifaith event can be understood to be truly multifaith, and not simply a Christian church service that that pays lip service to other religions and denominations but fails to actually connect with and include people of other faiths.

It needs to be said that many people who are not Christian find the idea of attending a church for a religious service to be an enormous obstacle, which can only be overcome through explicit, repeated, exerted effort on the part of the Christians who attend that church, as well as from those allies of other faiths who have already broken down their fears around entering and praying in a church environment. What is normal for Christians is not normal for people of other faiths. No matter how friendly, non-threatening and welcoming Christians may believe their setting to be, it is still always intrinsically different from what outsiders may have experienced before, or what they have been led to expect.

There are many links, similarities, aha! moments and interconnections between faiths and the way that they are practised, but unless people of other faiths are actively seeking to make those connections, whilst visiting churches, they are actually busily trying to bolster their own sense of normality and rightness, and to reconstruct for themselves, in a foreign church environment, a space where they feel safe and comfortable to worship. You cannot assume that people of other faiths will know how not to offend, what is expected, where to sit, how to sit, what hand gestures and utterances are appropriate, whether to sing, and so on, in a foreign church environment. It might not matter to you, as a friendly Christian, but an outsider might well respond to such a notion that it doesn’t matter, with something like “What? You don’t respect your own faith enough to demand that certain proprieties be followed? How can it not matter?”

I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to find a person or people or single family or representative of one denomination who is willing to engage with representatives of other denominations, let alone other faiths, and I respect the desire to not use individuals as tokens, in the absence of sustained interest in an event or group. The multifaith path is not an easy one. 

I will mention here that like multifaith, multiculturalism has traditionally ignored Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander input, thereby neatly excising and excluding Indigenous Australians from being included as part of the amorphous whole, that is diverse Australia. Yet the idea of seeking input of a spiritual nature from “Indigenous Australia” causes people to cringe because, as with any group, the multifarious versions of spirituality sometimes include, sometimes exclude, are regarded as so private as to be secret, and we do not wish to offend. It is no different for people of any minority faith and tradition.

Part of the problem that I have picked up on, through my experiences as part of multifaith and multicultural events, is the difficulty caused by denominations. It’s all well and good to want to have a group that, for the sake of an example, includes one Christian, one Jew, one Muslim, one Hindu, one Baha’i, one Pagan, one Buddhist, and so on, but in a mainstream Australian context, which Christian do you choose?

We can safely assume that the Christians who want nothing to do with such a venture can be ignored for these purposes, but how do you avoid privileging one Christian over another? How do you determine which is the most deserving Christian, the most well-meaning Christian, the most powerful Christian, the Christian least likely to offend or seek to convert? And what do you do with the other irate, outspoken, angry Christians who were excluded, who don’t believe they are being accurately represented, and who want a say as well? What of the other friendly Christians who desperately want to participate? 

A group that includes 8 Christians of 8 different denominations is already multifaith. Do you need to have a group that includes 5 Jews of 5 different denominations, 4 Muslims of 4 different denominations, and so on, as well? I am betraying my ignorance here, but I think you will understand the point that I am trying to make. And being the lone Jew in a group that consists of a lone Muslim, a lone Hindu, a lone Buddhist, a lone Baha'i and 8 different Christians feels like being invisible, particularly when those friendly Christians persist in telling that lone Jew that they have always been fascinated by the Old Testament, want the low-down on why Jews haven’t accepted Jesus, and fish for an invitation to the next Seder or Shabbat.

Back to the point: promotional material for a multifaith event that bears a single logo to represent a single faith is not promoting that event in a multifaith way. It is exclusionary and downright offensive. It almost makes me want to not go to the church at all. I just hope that other people either haven’t seen that flyer, or are big enough to set the offense aside, in the name of the cause.

I note with some dismay that I have not issued any words that relate directly to the fact that asylum seeking men, women and children have been shipwrecked and drowned this week, in the name of a democratic Australia. Some will accuse me of wallowing in first world problems, encourage me to grow up and see the wood for the trees. I’ve lived with that kind of accusation since I was 16 years old, joined my first peace group “S.A.N.I.T.Y.”, and was upset when other members began to bag Israel (and Jews, and by extension – Me!) for the mistreatment of Palestinians. I am 42 now, with a wealth of experiences – mostly disillusioning, some bewildering and a few enlightening – and I still say this is important enough for you to pay attention to.